Healing What Hurts
Written by Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin, UUAM Chaplain & President
In my capacity as chaplain to the Unitarian Universalist Animal Ministry I have the privilege of holding space for people during some very difficult times. There are some folks who have literally "lost" their animal companion. They do not know where the companion is and the hope of finding the companion is greatly diminished. There are others who realize death is nearby for their companion and they struggle with what to do next. There are many who have recently experienced the death of their animal companion, either via euthanasia or the companion dying without the aid of a veterinarian. So many circumstances. So many feelings. How might this be sorted out? How might the survivor survive?
There are many people who feel a great deal of sadness because of the death of their companion. There are some who feel a sense of relief that the suffering they were witnessing has come to an end. There are often lots of questions. Did I go to the vet too soon? Did I go to the vet too late? Should I have gone to the vet at all?
And there are some who are extremely angry. Their hurt has been turned inside out and the veterinarian is the culprit. If they'd only done this...If they'd only seen this...If they could have seen my companion sooner...If they'd only charged less money...
So many feelings during a very difficult time.
There are times when the veterinarian is actually at fault. Vets work long hours, perhaps even longer because of the pandemic, but all human beings have a limited capacity before they begin to make mistakes. According to some, medical errors in human hospitals account for over 250,000 deaths per year. This is more human deaths than caused by stroke, accidents, or Alzheimer's. Doctors make mistakes.
More often, though, vets are blamed for things over which they have no control. And when someone is in the throes of grief, the veterinarian becomes an easy target. I've read many things on social media where distraught animal guardians have lashed out at vets in a way that, I believe, is inhumane.
Veterinarians have a very high percentage of suicide. The CDC says veterinarians who identify as female are up to 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than the general population. This Time magazine article explores some of the reasons veterinarians kill themselves at such a high rate. They need a break in my opinion. But when we grieve the death of our animal companion we often want to figure out why the death occurred and who is to blame.
Because of this, an organization was formed around 2014 that calls itself Not One More Vet (NOMV), dedicated to lessening the number of suicides among veterinarians. It is a big order. I hope they are up to the task.
The work veterinarians do is difficult. The work many of you do is also difficult. Saving, rescuing, caring for, and loving animals for their inherent worth and dignity can be hard work. And sometimes veterinarians, rescue organizations and individuals, and others who have lost their loved one need more assistance than what a support group, like what I offer on the first Wednesday of every month, can offer. Now, we can all call 988 on our phones for help.
Like 911 for police and medical emergencies, 988 will offer assistance for mental health emergencies. We no longer have to remember, or offer, the ten digit phone number. Just calling 988 will reach someone offering help.
If you know someone, veterinarian or otherwise, who could use some immediate help with suicidal thoughts or deep anguish, please let them know about 988. The service is there because it is very needed. In order to help others, we often need to be in a good place ourselves.
Thanks for all you do for the animals. Even when it causes great pain.
Wishing you peace,
Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin
UUAM Chaplain & President
www.AnimalChaplain.net
Please Note: The monthly Pet Loss Support Group meeting is held on Wednesdays at 8:00 pm EST. For a Zoom link and passcode, please contact Rev. Russell Elleven at: relleven (at) gmail.com.